An angry delivery will do more harm than good, even if the criticism is deserved.Most folks don't begin the day looking for an opportunity to explode. Such occasions tend to surprise us, and we perhaps respond quickly and without much thought. Kaboom! Out pours the mess of our own less-than-perfect soul.
Anger rises naturally in us. Something we care about got handled badly by someone else. Waiting in line, listening to politicians, or dealing with life and a partner can trigger that natural response in us.
Anger person-to-person, however, breaks the bonds of relationship. It's more or less deliberate. I love you less at the moment because you ... whatever.
We sat with an impressive couple who recounted for us their personal relationship changes. Both had been conflict escalators, adding emotional content (anger, rebuke, criticism, kitchen sink) to discussions where they didn't agree. They told us how they had started asking why this or that mattered and negotiating the important things. It involved more listening. They pulled back far enough to see the values they shared and figure out how to achieve their goals. They were justifiably proud of themselves and warmly confident about their future together. It was an eye-opener.
For the record, Jesus said anger is pretty much the same as murder. (Mt 5:21-22) Put down, beat down, force down, or force away. Being, acting, or speaking angrily; all the same root.
Love is patient and kind.
Love does not dishonor other poople.
Love does not easily become angry.
Love does not keep track of other people's wrongs.
And a loving heart apologizes sincerely when it has done wrong.
Happy Valentines Day.
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