The Downhill Stumble ...

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition

Our brain is physically changed by what we see.  Neurological and social effects of sexually explicit media are now widely reported. While adult use can provoke problematic changes in brain function and relationships, pre-adults exposed to pornography risk limiting their development of cognitive analysis and ability to override impulsive behavior.

Victoria's Secret television advertisements

The pornography industry, however, is just one exploitation of 'synthetic sexuality'.  Others include movies, erotic literature, advertising, and more.

Culture and law say that porn is harmless free speech.

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition has the same allure and  effect as Playboy magazine.  Romantic portrayals with implied sexual intimacy trigger similar response, and it's all available instantly.  And the advertising industry -- magazines, television, and web media are increasingly using sexual imagery for marketing and storylines aimed at younger people.

The tipover point was a long way back up the line from online pornography.

What conversation is needed?

____________________________________________________________

Parental half-century review ...  Development and mentoring goals of earlier generations have perhaps faded out of our plan for raising children.  The typical child has hard-working parents, and much of developmental instruction is left to the school system.  We all thought that would work well.

___________________

We were unprepared for the physical attraction that so surprised us in grade school.  It was thrilling, and we thought we were in love.  The overwhelming feeling we experienced the first time we held hands was magical and we were enthralled.  The first kiss was likely a heart-stopper, and the whole world revolved around our new found affection.  'Love' came and went and we were confused by it all.  We fell in love on a regular basis with whoever smiled at us.  Girls spent hours giving each other advice about 'love', I remember, but there was little conversation at home or at church on the subject that equipped us to follow principle rather than feeling, or to love unselfishly in any meaningful way.

Our out-of-church culture was rather unrestrained regarding physical aspects of relationship.  Some degree of physical intimacy was generally expected in the typical pairing while meaningful relationship was, at best, undefined.  Today's teens seem to have little preparation for dating beyond the generalized rules about things you don't do.  They're perhaps unlikely to have considered how their behavior will affect the one they believe they love so truly. 

In the absence of cultural constraints and peer support, many will cross the boundary into problematic behavior long before they're aware of it.  Many will skip learning about the person and go straight to gratification.   

It can be exactly the same downhill stumble for girls as for guys.

____________________________________________________

• One young girl explains her turmoil, “At this age we’re always fighting with our parents, so we need to feel we’re loved.” She’s quick to add that while she and her boyfriend love each other, they’re not in love. “Whoa - we’re only 14!”
• Most of our youth are influenced in their early years by explicit material, popular music, and sensual advertising.   
• Physical intimacy is now likely in the elementary school years.  
• A NIH study of students in the sixth grade -- 35% reported having initiated sexual intercourse before or during the sixth-grade school year.
• Another NIH study found that 46% of fifth graders and 55% of eighth graders reported having initiated sexual intercourse, more common than other risk behaviors such as cigarette smoking and drinking. 
• Alcohol usually begins appearing during grades 6 and 7.  Far more common than other drugs, alcohol gets kids past their natural modesty and social restraint.
• The current average age for Americans to lose their virginity is 17.1 according to the CDC.  Nearly half will do so in high school.  
• Most say they believed intercourse was the prelude to marriage, but only about 2% of those relationships survived. 
• Nationwide, 12% of 9th-12th grade girls have been physically forced to have sexual intercourse when they did not want to.
• Most sexually experienced teens wish they had waited longer.

____________________________________________________________

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done deliberately and in love.

With that practical advice, where do we take our stand, and how?  What's the first step? 🤔

Can a teen do that?  What does it look like to stand firm in this flood and not get swept along by the cultural decline?  Parents ... what's the best prep?

(If it isn't practical, it isn't helpful.)

see -- Covert War - decade seven

Material for students on dating from one of several universities 
... note this â is the secular, real-world conversation.

DATING TOPICS                                                                                 More Topics
Communicating with Your Partner                                       Putting Porn Away for Good
Having Fun and Staying Close                                              Biblical Dating: Principles for Drawing Boundaries 
Are You in a Healthy Relationship?
Coping with Problems and Challenges
Sex and Intimacy
Where Is This Going?
Dating for Teens and Youth
Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse

The Third Echelon

Good Advice

"You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic.  True power is restraint.  If words control you, that means you are controlled by others.  Breathe and allow things to pass."

The specific origin of this statement is unknown, but it has been circulated recently with Warren Buffett's name attached.

It's interesting that such a reasoned and rational encouragement would come from the anonymous cloud rather than from leaders. From the upper level of the power pyramid comes anger, unsubstantiable accusations, verbal insult and character assault from both sides of the aisle. Few in national leadership positions have suggested being reasonable.  One who tried has been called a traitor. 

How we frame what we say matters.

• Dr. Ford offered a credible testimony.
• Judge Kavanaugh offered a credible denial.
• There was no evidence confirming the alleged assault.

None of those statements are unreasonable.  However, consider the following statements ...

• If it was true, she would have said something thirty years ago.
• If it was true, she'd remember where it happened.
• If it was true, she'd remember how she got home.
• If it was true, she wouldn't need all those lawyers ...

• If he was telling the truth, he's have answered the questions.
• If he was telling the truth, he'd have wanted an investigation.
• If he was telling the truth, he'd have taken a polygraph test.

• The allegations were a hoax.
• The FBI investigation was a sham.
• The woman senator who voted to confirm Kavanaugh is a traitor.
• The senators who voted to confirm Kavanaugh are in the war against women.
• This has sent a clear message that women are not taken seriously.
• Kavanaugh has been 'proven innocent'.
• And my favorite from the NRA, "Today, Heidi Heitkamp put partisan politics above the rights of law-abiding North Dakota gun owners. Right now, the U.S. Supreme Court is split 4-4 on the basic right to keep a firearm in the home for self-defense. Therefore, a vote against confirming Judge Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court is a vote against the fundamental right to self-defense.”

Each such statement reveals biased judgment and unreasoned decision perhaps based on preferential interpretation rather than fact.  Each will trigger anger, will be perceived as an unreasonable attack, and will escalate the tension.

This is just one of many deliberately polarizing issues among us which, as a nation, we don't seem to be handling well.  So how do we personally respond in order to maintain a clear mind and good conscience?  And how do we instruct our children?

It can all be done quite well.

You might appreciate The Adult Mind and perhaps Adult Thinking.

What kind of world are we leaving our children?

Our preferred idea of safety -- safe community, schools, streets, and acquaintances -- is naïve and out of date.  None of those venues are as they were when our traditional American views were formed and shared.

While we might temporarily shelter our children from the world, we must equip them for reality.  They need to be armed for the day when they will face a difficult life in a difficult culture.  They will have to understand the battle or be swallowed up in it.

By their teen years, most have been bullied in school or attacked on social media. Most have been exposed to sexually explicit material. Most have learned sensual behaviors from popular standards of dress, expression, posture, and verbiage.  Most have been inculcated with prejudicial thinking and are unaware of their bias. Most have consumed hundreds of thousands of advertisements before they had the ability to distinguish between information and persuasion. It never occurs to them to ask why cute dogs are driving that car or why the skimpy bikini is on the cover of that sports magazine. They unquestioningly absorb facts and opinions from experience and their peers.

How will they know the difference between principle and privilege or the difference between enough and a hundred times enough?

For children, there are two important worlds -- the one that sweeps them along and the one they can discover, but only if they see clearly. 

_____________________________________

Bring up your children in God's ways.  Teach them His truth and the brutal battle that surrounds it.  No other task is more important if they are to see clearly.

_____________________________________
The alternative is Living life wrong ...