Bullying... Willing to do harm

It follows the same brain path as prejudice, discrimination, and abuse. Looking at the underlying motive, it's about the same as getting angry and killing someone.  Surprised?

For decades, we've understood that establishing our social identity includes finding the place where we fit.  We categorize ourselves with others of like color or economic status or whatever.  It provides a sense of being 'in' and perhaps a view of those who are 'out' as somehow less worthy.  Some find self-worth by being 'in' and 'better' than all those losers.  The bully goes further, targeting those on the outside, thus enhancing their own sense of significance.  The process is brutal, and the impact can last a lifetime... in the bully.  Bullies, if not disassembled and rebuilt as healthy humans, will likely grow up to be rectal exit orifices.

Bullying affects the victim, of course.  If their identity and self-worth are attacked and damaged,  they may be unable cope alone.  It can be deadly. Family and other community relationships can soften the blow, even heal the victim.

I remember being ambushed around age 14 by four fellows who corralled me while one beat me badly.  More than fifty years later, I remember them; Don, Mike, David, and what's-his-name, oh, it was John.  To this day, I have no idea what their provocation might have been.  In retrospect, I don't think it had anything to do with me.  I didn't know them.  My family and I handled it.  Some of the scars are still visible.

Verbal bullying, just making fun of others ... nobody gets killed, right? It can't be that big a deal, can it?
It is, and much more.

Science and the bible agree on this one, to the surprise of many.

"You've been told, don't kill, but I'll tell you the rest.  If you're angry with another, you're the one to be judged.  If you insult another, you're guilty in front of the assembly.  If you call them a fool, you're at the gate of hell."  Jesus taught like that.  He let us know it's all part of the same cloth.

Science agrees.  The root of it all is the willingness and intent to do harm.  Being willing to destroy someone's school year is the same character flaw as being willing to take their life.  The fact that you didn't kill them isn't some nobility on your part; it's just the limit of what you think you can get away with.

Whether you buy into karma or 'sowing and reaping' or action/ reaction, the truth is that being a bully will in some measure rot your soul.  It shapes your personal (and unconscious) values as a potentially destructive participant in the social context. You'll make a wealth of bad choices in relationships and business based on that established personal value.

The way out for the bully?  I mentioned the bully's need to be disassembled and rebuilt as a healthy human.  That's where the character failure gets brought out into the open and killed.

Confession, repentance, restitution, and reconciliation; those are the biblical steps.  Effective counseling and professional psychological assistance will provide the same path.

The bottom line ... bullies are losers, literally.  A bully does harm, perhaps great harm, and in so doing, they may doom themselves to living permanently in that soiled diaper, forfeiting the chance to be an incredible person.

Teach the children well.

We all need to understand.

Blue Eyes vs. Brown Eyes, the anatomy of prejudice

Jane Elliot, the controversy

The video here is a slice of a girl's life. She was just eleven years old when a bully posted a video of her on youtube calling her the world's ugliest woman.  Millions of views and thousands of comments, most suggesting she should kill herself or not be seen in public.  

Curious how she coped?

The Ideal Nation

As has been attempted in the past, we must understand and address the gap between rich and poor.  It's growing at an accelerating rate with the US leading the developing nations in its impact on citizens.

This year, more than half of public school students live in poverty.  That's just one of many indicators illustrating the decline of the last half-century.

This gap precipitates troubles; from increased personal debt to increased crime, from limitations on economic mobility to impediments for assimilation, from increased domestic violence to increased international volatility.  As today's equivalent to segregation and discrimination, the economic class structure disenfranchises the majority and grants disproportionate influence to the elite.  Your place below the gap, like poverty, is not your choice; it's done to you.

If you have an opinion, your representatives in government should hear from you on this one.

Je suis Charlie? Pardonnez moi, Non.

Here's your 'stupid sign'.

Radicals targeted a relatively unknown publisher and gave them world-wide attention. Mega-millions worth in advertising, virtually guaranteeing broad interest and success.

'Charlie' is a troublesome offshoot of western 'freedom of speech'.  (OK, you're free to speak your mind, but that doesn't excuse being inflammatory and callously thoughtless, publishing nude depictions of ... let's not go there.)

Where's the line between satire and intolerance?

While celebrities and people across the world are saying "Je Suis Charlie," a counter-movement has emerged questioning the line between satire and intolerance. How far can satire push before it's no longer creating commentary and instead ridiculing ....

Make it real.  Say instead of a religious satire, they had been publishing insulting and disgusting cartoons belittling your children ... in the local newspaper and in fliers on their school grounds ...  and say it had been going on for years, despite your requests that they stop.  How deeply might you be offended?

From the Washington Post ...

"GENNEVILLIERS, France — Rather than fall quiet as requested during a national minute of silence last week, three boys in Hamid Abdelaali’s high school class in this heavily Muslim suburb of Paris staged an informal protest, speaking loudly through all 60 seconds.

Across France, they were not alone. In one school in Normandy, some Muslim students yelled “God is great!” in Arabic during that same moment. In a Paris middle school, another group of young Muslims politely asked not to respect the minute, arguing to their teacher, “You reap what you sow.”

Abdelaali, a 17-year-old high school senior who did observe the quiet minute, said he did so only because he was outraged by the killings in the name of his religion that were carried out at Charlie Hebdo — the satirical French newspaper attacked by Islamist extremists. But he also said he feels disgusted by a newspaper whose provocative cartoons had used the image of the prophet Muhammad for satire — and which continued to do so in its tragicomic first edition hitting newsstands Wednesday morning. “I know some kids who agreed with the attack,” he said. “I did not, but I also cannot say that I support what Charlie Hebdo is doing.”

Within France’s Muslim community of some 5 million — the largest in Europe — many are viewing the tragedy in starkly different terms from their non-Muslim compatriots. They feel deeply torn by the now-viral slogan “I am Charlie,” arguing that no, they are not Charlie at all.

Many of France’s Muslims — like Abdelaali — abhor the violence that struck the country last week. But they are also revolted by the notion that they should defend the paper. By putting the publication on a pedestal, they insist, the French are once again sidelining the Muslim community, feeding into a general sense of discrimination that, they argue, helped create the conditions for radicalization in the first place."

I am not Charlie.  Most are not Charlie.  I'm not a radical religionist either, nor are most others.

While we generally agree that terrorist violence isn't going to solve problems, we similarly agree that deliberately provoking another to anger won't either.

We have Muslim friends in Egypt and Kenya.  Time together and thoughtful conversations over the years have been profoundly illuminating.  We share common values, common goals for our children, common hope for our communities and the world.  And the last thing any of us would do is deliberately insult the other.  

Some truly deserve the freedom for which we've paid such a price.  Others, though it may be their inalienable right, perhaps do not measure up to the responsibility that comes with having such freedom.

Born to fight!

From birth onward, our minds are a battleground. Laying claim to the territory of our thoughts are our family, our schools and churches, our culture, peers, and the media, all fighting for the upper hand in determining who we'll be and how we'll live.  Some are wonderfully helpful, many are not.

How do we establish ourselves on the right path?

(Becoming Aware of The Mind – Andrew Gable, 2012.)

Simplistic religion doesn't help much with getting through life.  Neither history nor the bible suggests we should expect a suddenly-good-and-wise change in ourselves.  In the book, we do find the practical coaching we need, however.  There's real heart-change available with help being provided as we need it.  Among such practical teachings, we find 2nd Peter, chapter 1.

 3 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, 4 by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.  

His offer of help is practical, 

not just talk.  Take him up on it.

 5 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.  

¹⁰ Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. 

This is not pulpit stuff to hear and forget, it's instruction on how we do our part all day, every day, changing ourselves from harmful to useful.  The progress check point to watch for? Increasing!  If you possess these qualities in increasing measure ...  The alternative is blind, forgetting how it all started.

It won't happen because we heard the sermon, it happens when we do it.  It's a lifelong battle.

As a youngster, I was told with a smile ...
 Things are not as they seem.

    You were born into a world at war.

       Everything you do counts.

UnReligious Truth

I learn most from what I see ...

An abusive husband will cripple his children.  They will be shaped by his behavior, and it will affect their lives, their relationships, and how they raise their own children.

Modern psychology and sociology understand how it works, and so do the rest of us.  It passes from generation to generation unless it is dealt with and changed.  The cycle has to be broken for the persistent harm to come to an end.

That's practical truth, not religion.  Interestingly, that's a biblically valid truth as well.

"... forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

source

The way out: confession, change, restitution, reconciliation.  That's the practical advice from the same book.  Interestingly, professional help available (from psychology and sociology) or even Dr. Phil will offer the same path.  All practical, all real-life useful.

Religious speakers, it seems, often expound what sounds like spiritual fairy tales from what's offered in the book.  It helps to understand that there's practical truth being offered there.

More unreligious thinking here.

Just a note on the passage:  His teaching to the nation of Israel is that if one passes their sin down from generation to generation, training their children in wrong thinking and disobedience, there's a price. Punishment will follow (as in 'you harvest what you've planted'). Those who teach what is against the good they've been given will have their children’s children acquire the practice from their parents and suffer for it.  They were instructed about that: “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)  Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)  There's a wealth of breadth to the subject, of course.

A Pushy Telemarketer Ω

My young friend from the early years.  He and his little sister 

helped me find my way along the many trails 

to their neighborhood.

If I speak with human eloquence or superhuman intellect but don't have a good heart for my hearers ...

I've become like a proud politician or a pushy telemarketer.

Photo courtesy of  José Augusto Bastos Santos, one of many loving folks from
Casa Fiz do Mundo.  That's him in the middle of the mob, pulling the fishermen's boat ashore.

Love is patient and kind, not proud or arrogant.  Love will take the time to walk alongside like a brother, and to share the burden, to protect, to trust, to persevere.

Things will change, but love will last.  It's bigger than we understand now, but we'll get to see it all.  Soon, perhaps.

1 Co. 13