Thursday, June 19, 2014

Life & Conflict

A large part in letting go of fear-based behavior and personal insecurity is accepting that conflict just happens; it's normal and inevitable when there's more than one perspective involved.

NON-SOLUTIONS:  Making everybody happy. Getting through meetings without tension. Negotiating a path with no hard questions and harder answers.  Appeasement and acquiescence without thoughtful consideration of broad issues.  And at the other end of the spectrum of non-solutions we find escalation, the power play, the tantrum, and the riot act.  All are common fear-based traits in business, in relationships, and in life. Each degrades the relational context leaving worsening unresolved problems.

Conflict at work (or anywhere) is not necessarily a bad thing if you move through it productively. Work on mutual understanding (not to be mistaken with mutual agreement) of each other’s positions and recognize that even if you don't agree with someone, it typically does not mean that the relationship is in jeopardy. Accept that in conflict, the way forward is achievable, even enhanced rather than derailed. Instead of shutting it all down by avoidance, accommodation, or pointless compromise, we can profitably disagree, question, and understand.

Here’s the thing - there’s no getting around the fact that life is a full-contact sport, and if you cannot get through conflict in a healthy, productive fashion then you're life is lessened, possibly crippled. Effectively dealing with conflict is perhaps the most valuable relational skill that anyone might possess.

Marriage has the potential to be more volatile than most relationships.  Those who choose to tackle issues together rather than attack each other are likely to discover shared goals, clear values, and a pathway they can walk together.

Interestingly, most relationships including business, community, and teenagers, they all work the same way.

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